The Daily Show
"The Most Mistrusted Name In News" The Daily Show was formerly a half-hour of dead air like PBS, until Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A. demanded that Comedy Central give his Jew friend a job...and The Daily Show was born. It is watched primarily by Stoned Slackers who have nothing better to do. It has been and always will be a fluffer for The Colbert Report, the greatest TV show in America's universe, undisputed. Some leading experts have confirmed behind the scenes (Dr. Colbert, June 2, 2008) that the Daily Show is merely an "opening act" where Alan Colmes trainees are allowed to warm up Colbert's audience via acts of humiliation and interviewing guests unworthy of an award winning reporter like Dr. Colbert. The Daily Show is where the greatness of Stephen Colbert first began to be recognized by a world-wide audience as Comedy Central's glimpse into America's seedy Liberal underbelly. For many years, dating back to when Craig Kilborn was host, Stephen was a regular correspondent on the show. During his first two years, he was referred to as "The New Guy". Strike Shows Dr. Colbert's Jewish Friend proclaimed that The Colbert Report's Lead-in Jewish Program would be referred to as A Daily Show, not The Daily Show. Also, he had a solidarity unibrow. The "John Stewart Era" Once Stephen's so called Jew "friend" took over the show things quickly took on a different style. John once forced Stephen to deep throat a banana for his viewing pleasure while trying to report on a scandal in London. This later led to a sexual harassment lawsuit from Stephen. John has yet to comment on the charges only proving his guilt further. Sexual Tension On The Set From his success and continued sexual advances by John on The Daily Show, Stephen received the nod for his own show, The Colbert Report, which is the most truthy and awesome half-hour on television. Because of Colbert's clear domination of The Daily Show (as the gay hipsters call the show) they allowed Colbert's career-long comedy partner Steve Carell to join the show for years before leaving to become a Hollywierd fatty. The average Daily Show is composed of John Stewart blathering endlessly about how bad the President is for about 22 minutes, and Stephen making an all too short appearance at the very end. He only agrees to do these shorts out of pity for John, who is, after all, a Jew that enjoys watching other men deep throat bananas. Stephen hopes that his while short but reoccurring cameos will convince John that he is a Godless Sodomite. This brief cameo leads into the greatest half-hour of television all time: The Colbert Report! It has been said that this is the best part of the show, and this also happens to be true. Our Lord and Savior, Stephen Colbert, puts up with John and supports him financially. Or, at least, he is his Jewish friend, along with Mort Zuckermann. The Geraldo Incident On the August 10, 2006 episode of The Daily Show, the space was presumably filled when Colbert made a surprise appearance. After arguing with John over whether or not Stewart should apologize to Geraldo Rivera for making fun of him on his show, an enraged Colbert said, "Then you're On Notice, John!" and amidst protests from Stewart told him to "DEAL WITH IT!" before storming off the set. Stewart has since apologized, wanting to stay in the good graces of . Anyone who doesn't burns in Hell for all eternity, getting a pineapple shoved up their ass. The set of "The Daily Show" is so ugly that it must be rebuilt every two months. Other Correspondents Believe it or not, there were other correspondents besides on the Show. Coattail riders include: * Samantha Bee (Senior Canadian Correspondent) * John Oliver (Senior British Courrespondouent) * Asif Mandvi (Senior Mooslim Correspondent) * That One Black Guy (Senior Black Correspondent) * The Other Black Guy (Senior Black Correspondent) * John Hodgman/PC (Senior Ubernerd Correspondent) * Jason Jones (Senior "Totally Bad-Ass" Correspondent) * Lewis Black (Senior Angry Jewish Prick Correspondent and Contributor of "Back in Black") * Mick Foley (Senior Asskicker) * Olivia Munn (Senior Asian Correspondent) Ex-Correspondents (Unemployed, Welfare Queens, One-man Show) Some correspondents left The Daily Show, fed up with Stewart's abuses and his successes. They were tired of being his slave monkey, when their contract expired they decided to strike it rich on their own... as you can see not everyone can be successful like Stephen Colbert. * Steve Carell (Senior Virgin Correspondent) - He left The Daily Show hoping to get more money but he got lost in Iraq, when he returned to America (after he lost his job for failing to show up for work) he tried to make it on his own. Instead he has a failed tv show like The Orifice, and several movie flops that almost bankrupted him. * Rob Corddry (Senior Balding Correspondent) - Like Steve Carell he tried to find success after leaving The Daily Show... today he gives BJs for food at a gas station bathroom. * Nate Corddry (Senior Sibling Correspondent) - Nobody knows what happened to Nate, but if his fate is like of his brother, then he cant be that far... * Rob Riggle (Senior Military Affairs Correspondent) - He Retired from The Daily show so he could begin his long life dream as a crime fighter, last time we heard he was in Arizona working as an Assistant Sheriff Deputy/Sidekick for Joe Arpaio. * Dave Gorman (Senior "The Other British Guy" Courrespondouent and Contributour of "Poll Smoking") - Deported to Britain after his work visa expired. He should have done what John Oliver did, marry an American and deface The Queen's face. * Bob Wiltfong (Senior What's-his-face Correspondent) * Kristen Schaal (Senior Women's Issues Commentator) - She left to become the Tooth Fairy then got arrested for breaking and entering. * Nancy Walls (Senior Female Correspondent) - Full time Gold-digger. Marry some loser for his money. * Ed Helms (Senior Bespectacled Correspondent) - Last we heard he was at some failed tv show called The Orifice, rumor has it that he had to sleep with Steve Carell to get the part. * Mo Rocca (Senior Bowtie Correspondent) - Unemployed, will do anything... and I mean anything. * Dan Bakkedahl (Junior Balding Correspondent) - Retired. * Demetri Martin (Senior trendspotting Correspondent) - He had balls enough to leave and make his own show. * Vance Degeneres - brother of some famous lezbo. Still living with his sister. * Josh Gad - Missing In Action. Trivia * Eighty percent of The Daily Show's viewers are stoned or intoxicated (more like stoned and intoxicated) while watching it. * Kristen Schaal once won a wet T-shirt competition . * John Stewart just doesn't get it; unlike Real Americans, who are the true It Getters *John Stewart aids and shelters old hippies at his home Notes See Also * The Half Hour News Hour External Tubes *The Daily Show The Greatest Threat to America *Daily Show with John Stewart steals Stephen's Emmy!!! *CNN to sue John Stewart *Chris Matthews to John: You Ruin My Life! *Daily Show's Joo steals from Meet The Press *Joo meets crazy old man *The Daily Show: Afghan Special Edition *Feminazis fail to take over The Daily Show *Feminazis invade The Daily Show!!!!! *Feminazi Joo supports The Daily Show *How The Daily Show and TCR is milking America's suffering *The Daily Show: Elite and Unsophisticated *John Stewart beats Leno and Letterman to a pulp. Police on the look out *Evidence that John Stewart stole from the Dutch *Indecision 2012 Attack Ad Category:The Daily Show